Okay well...here goes...

I failed at the Love Dare. What was done to me was inexcusable and I won't even think of trying that on him ever again. He is out of my life and I am trying (trying yes) to move on. It's hard, its a struggle every day. If only I could tell everyone what he did, but that is personal. Just trust me on this...if someone did this to you, you would never want to see them again either. I still have to deal with him because of our daughter.

Times are hard. My daughter had surgery on her teeth last week so we spent the day in the hospital. Night before last my dad was in a car wreck. He almost died. He hit a patch of black ice on the road. spun around and hit the ditch and flipped his truck in the creek. His head was in the water, he went thru the sunroof. He said he felt the freezing water then warmth from the blood gushing from his head. He had stitches all over his head from all the gashes. The one on top of his head is so deep it went to his skull. He cracked his neck, and messed up a bone in his back a lil. Thank God for the neighbors down the road, they were behind him when he wrecked, and they stopped and held towels on his head until the rescuers got there. If they hadn't done that, my dad wouldn't be home right now. They let him go yesterday. Hes in a lot of pain. Hes all bandaged up and has to wear a neckbrace for two months. BUT...He is alive. Thanks to those neighbors and the EMTs. Angels don't always have big fluffy wings you know...

The Love Dare: Day whatever

For some reason I have hit a rut. It was supposed to be day nine a few days ago. I can't seem to remember to greet him any differently than I always do. I have been reading ahead though. Perhaps I need to start over. I seem to have lost direction.

You see, I stopped going to church. Not on purpose, but because we weren't able to. First I was sick, then my back went out, and now James' schedule mixups have had us all messed up. So. I am starting back tomorrow. But, since I have been missing it seems my "drive" has gone missing too. I have become upset, depressed, burned out. So I haven't been putting as much in as I have been in the past. All I have wanted is sleep. Rest. Relaxation. That doesn't include a child screaming MOMMY at me for hours on end.

I dunno. Its just been hard for me. I'll get back on track. I always do. Eventually.

Will you pray for me and my family? Please?

The Love Dare: Day Eight

Love is not jealous.

Love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire. ~Song of Solomon 8:6 NIV

Okay so I don't have time or back strength to make this a long post. My back is out again and it hurts to sit too long. Anyhoo...this day's focus was on what was legitimate jealousy and illegitimate jealousy. Legit is when a man or woman is jealous of their wife/husband having relations with someone else, etc...things like that. Illegit is when you are coveting what someone else has. Also, you should be a cheerleader for your spouse, not make them feel bad for succeeding.

Todays dare was to burn the negatives list from yesterday, and also to share with your spouse how glad you are about a success or achievement he/she recently enjoyed. I shared with James how proud I am of him for starting school and pursuing a dream. Also how I think he is so smart. And I gave him many compliments, though very discreetly, throughout the day. I gave him those compliments without even planning to, just because I had been in the "good room" so long that I just wanted to tell him how truly thankful I am.

Anyway...I miss him...so bad...

The Love Dare: Day Seven

Love believes the best.

[Love] believes all things, hopes all things. ~1 Corinthians 13:7.


Today's dare was to get two sheets of paper. On one paper, you write all the things you appreciate and love about your spouse. The good qualities that draw you to them. On another sheet of paper, you write all that you dislike. You are supposed to comment or thank them for one of the things you like. Then you are supposed to hide these papers til later.

I thanked James for being such an awesome Dad, and coming to my rescue when my back goes out. He is so helpful. I filled up much much more room on the things I am thankful for. This opened my eyes a lil. There are so many many things I am thankful for, yet I spend so much time focusing on the things I dislike.

The Love Dare states that there are two rooms in your heart. On one, the walls are covered with good things. This is where you go when you are thinking good thoughts about him/her. On the other, its covered with all the bad things, in huge letters. It says that we should only go in this room to write all over the bad thoughts, "COVERED IN LOVE". We should only focus on the other room.

When we spend more time in the "good" room, we tend to have a better outlook on our spouse, and on life in general. I know that if I am mainly concentrating on the good things, then James' faults tend to not stick out as much. I don't see the bad, because I am only concentrating on good. I am more grateful for him, and I appreciate him more. I am genuinely happy when I only visit this "room".

It basically says..."to stay in the good room and appreciate your spouse, and reign in your negative thoughts and stifle them...is something you do for yourself, God, and your spouse, whether they deserve it or not." I added a few things in there, just to emphasize a few points I thought were important. You do this not just for your spouse. You do this for your own benefit, and you do it for God.

The Love Dare: Day Six

Love is not irritable.

He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city. ~Proverbs 16:32


Well...these are really starting to hit home. More and more I find these covering topics that I REALLY need to work on. I really don't have a whole lot of time to touch on today's, but the dare for today was: React in loving ways instead of with irritation. Make a list of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. List any wrong motivations you need to release from your life.


This is a hard assignment for me, considering I am very very irritable. Most of the time. We'll see what happens...

The Love Dare: Day Five

Love is not Rude.

He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him. ~Proverbs 27:14

Today's dare was harder than the rest so far. It was "Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behaviour. This is from their perspective only." I did this. It was almost unnerving how quickly he came back with three specific things that he disliked about me and my actions.

One thing that stuck out about the three things he asked of me was this...they were all things that should be common courtesy, but I was neglecting to show him the respect of giving him these courtesies. It says here in "The Love Dare" there are three guiding principles when it comes to practicing etiquette in your marriage:
1. Guard the Golden Rule. Treat your mate the same way you want to be treated (see Luke 6:31).
2. No double standards. Be considerate of your spouse as you are to strangers and coworkers.
3. Honor requests. Consider what your husband or wife already asked you to do or not to do. If in doubt, then ask.

To be brutally honest...I haven't shown James the respect he deserves. I haven't been careful of how I treat him and how I speak to him. I don't guard his self worth or self esteem. I haven't been a blessing. It says in the book "Will you dare to be delightful?" My question is.."Do I have the ability to be delightful?

I let stress get to me and I am just plain ugly and unpleasant to be around. "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife" (Proverbs 25:24). Two main reasons of being rude and inconsiderate...ignorance and selfishness. I am not so much ignorant as I am selfish. What a terrible terrible way to be. I have to seek help. I must honor him and treat him as he deserves to be treated. He doesn't deserve to be hurt...

This book has made me THINK about how I am like never before. I am examining the areas of my life and of myself that need work, and I am learning how to make that change...or let God change it for me. It's truly a blessing to my life and my relationships.

The Love Dare: Day Four

Love is Thoughtful.


How precious also are Your thoughts to me... How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand. -Psalm 139.17-18

Today's Dare

Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.

I do this every day already. I am genuinely concerned with what James needs and what I can do to help him. Though I do feel bad. We had a rough night last night. Everything is okay though this morning. He is helping me out tonight though!! My back has gone out. That is why this post will be verrrry short. OUCH! It hurts to sit here :(