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Routines Make Your Family Flourish

	I'm Amz on

ASS BACKWARDS

Who would have thought I would be procrastinating when it came to GOING BACK to bed? I decided I was gonna get a lil extra sleep today..its only 7:30AM..and here I am doing 100 different things to keep from going back. I know I will be exhausted if I don't though. So...WHY AM I HERE TYPING?! I will be back later to update :P

~update~
Well...I never did go get more rest. I stayed up. And when I was ready to rest, everyone decided to bring the kids home. Oh well...we have been having fun! Mikey and bethy have been cleaning together, schooling together, and having a good time. I still have alot to do, I have done the basic cleaning, and now I have to get into the deep clean mode in the dungeon. GRR.. I am so sick of that flippin bedroom.

2:30am

Im so tired.I stayed up half the night last night just sitting outside on the front steps. The moon was so bright it looked like daylight outside. Robby had to work again today, his off day. He will be working 6a-12a all week too, and possibly be working all weekend. I still miss him terribly. He was sweet all day yesterday though. Hes a good man...just irritating sometimes. I know hes just tired though.

My papaw is getting better, he talked to my uncle on the phone last night. He doesnt want to see anyone really though. He isn't feeling well and doesnt want anyone to see him that way. I don't blame him. I thought about going yesterday til momma told me he didn't want to see anyone. I hope he's feeling okay soon.

I am gonna work on the house some today, but I think I will rest some too. I feel crappy. Most likely from no sleep. I dunno. I need to do some housework, and also I need to try to figure out this work from home crap. So many people do it, why can't I find anything that isnt a scam?

~update~




Papaw gets to come home tomorrow if nothing else happens. I hope that he will be okay. I may have to go over there and help them out. Poor papaw. I feel so sorry for him. Everyone is arguing now because one of his kids (not namin names) pitched a fit cause they had to stay with him and none of the other ones did. How ridiculous. I dunno. I am not getting into it.

Robby called for about 2 seconds to "see what I was going to do today" and then he was off again. It was a strange phone call. Im not really sure what the point was? But he thought of me enough to call. I am gonna fix burgers for us tonight.

I have cleaned up in here, and I am about to start on the dungeon room again. LOL yeah that would be my bedroom. Its been a mess since Robby moved in. I am trying so0o hard to get it in order. I need to go through his stuff so bad it hurts. He has more clothes than any one person should be allowed to even have. I dunno what to do with them all, other than try to corner him long enough to make him get rid of what he doesnt wear. He doesn't wear half, but I am not touching them, because I don't want to throw away something he needs by accident.

So ALL I have left to do is go through the closet, go through the baby bed, go through the kitchen cabinets, and then I will start on the outside. Everything else is fine and in order...other than Mikeys desk, and its just minutes from being cleaned off. I am so0o proud of myself for all the work I have been doing.

8.15.08

We've been working! Our sink is shining and the laundry is drying. We are well on our way to another productive day. Bethy is even getting in on the action! Shes such a big girl now. Woohoo. I am excited about how the house is looking. Once I am done with the insides, I am gonna work on the front porch too. Maybe we will get this show on the road.

Michael came over and played with Hickory for a while yesterday. He bought him tennis balls at the store to play fetch. My kids are the greatest. So0o sweet. I am proud of them. I have to start homeschooling Mikey ASAP too...my mamaw was doing most of it for a bit, but with my papaw sick, she won't be able to anymore. We will have to work hard this year, even though he is so advanced.

Robby didn't come in til about midnight again last night, but he got to sleep in later this morning, and I could tell it did him some good. He looked better. He was starting to look really rough. Hes gotten SO much overtime. Hes worked 18 hours most days this week, just trying to make ends meet a little closer.

My papaw is doing well, flirting with nurses I am told. He has one he calls his "night angel" and one is his "day angel". Hahaha. How funny. I am glad hes pulling through this alright. I feel selfish for not going to see him, but I don't have my car! I had no way to go. He probably wants time to recoup anyway. Everyone seems to think that I am a horrible person the way I handle when people are sick, but I just think of things differently than most I guess. I know I didn't want people looking at me like I was a zoo animal in a cage whenever I was sick...

Anyway, I can never seem to keep plans that I make. Something always happens because someone else has other plans. Grr. I mean...it would be nice if they could make sure I didn't have plans before they made my plans for me. Or making plans WITH me and canceling at the last second.. Does this make me selfish? Evil, perhaps? I dunno.

I will be back later, after I have single handedly transformed my bedroom into an oasis. Yeah right..

Bleh

On a sad note, my papaw is currently having open heart surgery...I am here blogging to try to take my mind off of it. I worry too much, naturally. I hope all will be well with him. If you are reading this, please extend your prayers to him and our family.

Well..Robby came in at 7:15p. And left again at 7:30p again to go back to work. He was here long enough to eat. He didn't come back in til 1am. He still made time for me though. It is nice knowing you are missed when you are. I thank heavens for the crockpot after yesterday. It was nice not to have to worry about fixing dinner last minute.

My house is so0o clean in the living room and on the kitchen counters. I want to to go thru the cabinets in the kitchen and straighten up the bathroom, make the beds, and perhaps dig into Robbys boxes of stuff that still need unpacked in the bedroom. We'll see. I have to go to the store and get some basics like TP, paper towels, and dryer sheets.

Per the usual dinner dilemma, I have to go get some meat at the market too. I guess while I am up there, I will decide whats for dinner according to what looks good. I have too much to do to sit here. I should be getting my clothes on and getting ready to go there. Today is gonna be better. Getting my house in order has made my WHOLE outlook better. I missed having a lil control over my life. So0o badly. I do feel awesome. I didn't cry all day yesterday other than when I found out my papaw would be having surgery. I plan on not crying all day today either if I can help it.. Things are gonna be okay. Just okay.

~update~
All is well here. My papaw is out of surgery, and he is in serious condition, which is better than critical. I am glad he made it through okay. He had to have veins taken from his leg and his side too to patch up his heart. But hes still keeping on. I can't wait to see him...

I went shopping and completely cleaned up my bathroom :] On to the bedrooms next? hehe. I am proud of what this house looks like now. Its coming right along, thanks to the motivation from the lovely ladies at the flylady forums. What a help that has been.

Well, time to get to work again.

Better Day?

I am determined for today to be better than the last few. Robby and I got along really well. He's working his ass off, and I miss him like hell, but he has to do it. There is no way around it. I have to accept that he just won't be here much and find ways to deal with it, and try to be happy with things in the process.

I got a good start on my housework this morning, even though I still feel like I am missing something. I have the dishes started from last nights midnight supper, and the laundry is DONE, all this was before 7am. I have to sweep and mop today, and get the desk straightened and the papers taken care of before it drives me insane. I am so0o tired of not being organized anymore.

Before I let James take over all the organizing, I had it going on...I knew what was going on, I knew what bills needed taken care of, I knew where ALL MY STUFF WAS?! And things didn't get lost. Now I lay a piece of paper down on the desk and it is gone within hours. How does this happen? Do I have a mysterious paper eating desk monster? No I doubt it. I just need to get my crap in order.

Robby just called. I think he just wanted to say hello, because there was no real reason behind it. That can only mean one thing...he mighta missed me. I like being wanted. I wish James wanted me like this :( Rob was so sweet last night and this morning, I feel so bad for him having to work so damn hard just for it to be taken away by someone else.

I have to go start supper now. I am gonna make crockpot cabbage soup...I needed something that would be good whenever Robby got home and would require very lil effort on my part because he won't be here til midnight again. I don't feel like cooking a meal that late, but I still want him to have something yummeh since he will have worked so0o hard all day. That sounds like the perfect dinner. Easy peasy.

~update~
Today really was a better day. Robby is late, but he may be getting to come home soon I don't really know. I worked HARD on the house today, and so far, my living room is perfect, and my papers are filed now...and my kitchen is halfway done, I cleaned up as well as I could without dragging everything out today...I'll work more on it tomorrow. My bathroom is clean, just needs more decluttering. I am going to try to get whatever I can done so that I won't be stressing tomorrow when I have to take the kids to the doctor. I dread that.

I have only a few things left to do, like hang up the clothes, and I will be able to sit and just watch tv til Robby gets home. I guess I am procrastinating doing that. I don't know why because it only takes a minute to put them up :/ Oh well. I will get to it.

Robby is wanting to go out and do something tonight if he gets to come home. I dunno what we will be doing though, cause we are flat broke. I think he is just sick of being cooped up in the house when he comes home, even if he is only home lately long enough to sleep. I guess we will figure out something to do. Surely. Even if its just go sit on the river bank or ride our bikes along the bike path. We'll see. I enjoyed riding my bike the other day too. It was fun once I got the hang of it.

I should go hang up clothes now. I'll post again tomorrow...

Trying

Well...Here I be again. Its 1:19, Robby just called to tell me he wouldnt be home til around midnight. :/ That bothers me. I hate that he never knows his schedule. He also told me that he didn't know if we would be able to spend Saturday here as planned. I never know anymore what will happen from one day to the next.

On another note, I have finished the laundry, done the dishes, cleaned the kitchen, straightened up after Bethy...and I have supper in the crockpot, where it will be ready to eat for me and Bethy, and still be hot when Robby comes home tonight. Go me. I just basically threw some chicken in there, and I am gonna throw in some BBQ sauce later with some honey and then be done with it.

I still need to sweep and mop and make the beds, and clean up the bathroom. Oh, and take out the garbage too. Not a whole lot, considering. I have done three loads of laundry today. Three...all leftover from this weekend. Weekends are crazy. I still don't know what I will do this weekend if I end up having to spend all of it alone again. I usually spend the weekends that Robby doesn't have his evil boy all by myself. Robby always has something to do.

He came in last night so exhausted that he just basically ate and fell over. He slept most of the evening. Then I put Bethy to bed and I went to sleep, so I really didn't talk to him last night at all. Oh well. He got some rest after a really hard day, thats whats most important. I do miss him alot though. Hes a good man. I am proud to have one that still works his ass off even though he doesn't get to see much of what he works for. His ex's take most of his paycheck (all but 130 bucks) to child support. I don't see how they should be able to do that. The system should leave the men a lil to live on. He can barely pay the bills.

I feel bad because I am not working. But there are so many things standing in my way to do that. So many reasons why it would be much smarter for me not to work. I can't name most of them, but they are there and they are credible. We would basically be LOSING more money and wasting my time if I were to go to work. What a buncha crap.

I am ready for this day to be over with, even though it was a damn good day so far...I am still ready for it to just disappear. I am so tired. Today is a strange strange day. I seem to be having swings all through the day. Certain times during the day are great, and then there are times when I wish that I could just climb under the covers and hide my head for the day. I just cant seem to get the swing of things anymore.

I usually get this way after big life changes. My head gets so clouded that I can't really think straight for a while. I miss things being steady and I miss knowing what would happen from one day to the next. Its so hard to get used to this....so so hard....

~update~
I am bored again. I have cleaned and cleaned, and cried and screamed and got stressed out...now I am trying to calm down and just chill. Robby called and told me it would be around midnight before he came home. And tomorrow doesnt look good either. We got into an argument the other night, and we havent had any time together to sort things out since then. I miss him. I am tired of sitting here lonely all the time.

I have dinner ready to go in the crockpot, I have the laundry done and ready to hang up. Bethy still hasnt taken a nap, and I am still wondering if I am doing the right things or going in the right direction in my life. Some days it really doesnt feel like it. I guess we all make choices for whatever reason. I never know my reasons anymore, if I ever even had any to start with. I have so many things to get done, so many things to organize and get back on track. The one person I had in my life that would help me with these things is gone. Probably gone for good. And it is so hard somedays to realize what was lost when I lost him.

I cry for James every single day. Every...single...day...sometimes every hour. Each time I think of him, and how things used to be, and the things we used to do together, the tears just start to roll. It really doesn't take anything but a simple thought to get me going. I cant seem to control them anymore. I hope I am not going into depression again. Its what it feels like. I write this blog and thing DAMN I am complaining and whining alot. :/ Scary. I should go do something now, before I make things worse...I just miss him...even though theres someone else here, my heart is and will always be....with him..

bloggidy

Here I am once again, trying to start a blog for whatever reason, who knows. I am so0o tired of sitting here procrastinating, yet here I am, starting something else.

So...here goes...

I am a 26 year old mother of two. I homeschool my 6 year old son, Michael. I am with my daughter Bethany right now, she is 2 years old. Every other weekend, I have Robby's son, Hunter. Its a hard struggle to get used to the way things should be.

We are trying to combine two families with two different ways of doing things, and do it peacefully. Our children are still struggling to get used to not having both their real parents there together. We are still struggling to get used to the way things are now, and the way we are with one another. I love my babies, and I love his baby too. Its just hard sometimes. Very very hard.

My housework struggles because when I was with my daughters father, I dealt with depression in a very bad way, and I quit doing the things I should have done. Now I am trying to catch things back up, straighten up, and hold my family together all at once. I miss some things, how things used to be. But there are so many things I would never ever have go back to the way they were.

I am trying FlyLady again. It helped, even though I never did follow everything, I had the guidelines to do so. I had a guide to what I should be doing, instead of sitting here aimlessly, I had focus to my thoughts. I want that again. I want focus. More than anything right now.

I hope that by starting this new blog, it will help me focus, and also help me clear my head. I need that too. I have SO0o0O many thoughts clogging up my head, and so many things to have to keep track of with this new life I am leading...I really don't even know WHAT I am thinking anymore. I have to keep up with my boyfriends issues and things, new bills, new housework, new kids, new everything.

I am so ready for things to get settled in. So so ready.